As government probes into Barclay's abuse of private "dark pool" trading widen to include similar allegations of fraud perpetrated by UBS and Deutsche Bank, the public and lawmakers are demanding to know one thing: What novelty hot sauces induced brokers to let their clients trade in these dangerous venues?
The answer, shockingly, is a tame habanero "hot" sauce dubbed "Hot Liquidity" and branded with the name of Barclay's Liquidity Cross (LX®) "dark pool" trading firm. Not a novelty ghost pepper hot sauce, not an English-bred infinity chili (which would have been exceptionally appropriate for the British financial services company), but a weak-ass habanero.
The main determinant of how hedge funds allocate their trades between brokers—Anecdotal evidence provided by the low man on the totem pole of an unknown fund not based in NYC
The holiday season at a hedge fund is usually a happy time as an analyst for a couple reasons:
1) Senior people go on vacation for extended periods of time, allowing you to browse youtube and facebook for extended periods of time
2) Bonus season is close and the disappointment from last year has faded over the past 11 months, so you are naive and optimistic about the number
3) and most importantly, the broker gifts start arriving! All year sell-side firms vie for your firm's business, offering research, acess to management teams, execution, etc. But it is a little known fact that none of these matter, and the really only [sic] way to distinguish yourself is through the holiday gift [...] I don't believe any commentary is necessary from me in order to explain how amazing (think +7 std devs) this gift was. Thank you Barclays, get ready for some trades! [emphasis added]
"Hot Liquidity"- Habanero Hot Sauce, gift from the LX Liquidity Cross dark pool (fastest growing dark pool in the US in '10 with 120% growth!). Contact the Barclay's electronic sales desk for hot sauce samples.
When we first reached out to the post's author, via LinkedIn, he failed to answer our questions about the hot sauce, its flavor profile, or mouth feel, but did accept us into his LinkedIn network. Two subsequent requests for comment have also been ignored.
Let's not mince words here: Black Bag is extremely desirous of locating extant bottles of Barclays Capital Liquidity Cross-branded "Hot Liquidity" habanero to run the condiment through rigorous analysis and submit the substance as evidence.
Please send leads to firstname.lastname@example.org, and cc: all emails to the office of the New York State Attorney General, Eric Schneiderman, the office currently spearheading the investigation into fraud at Barclays: NYAG.Pressoffice@ag.ny.gov.