Yesterday, Gawker brought you an examination of a surprising conspiracy theory that touches the upper reaches of the Republican presidential primary race. Today, one of the conspiracy’s key players confirms that the theory is true—well, part of it, at least.
The chief and perhaps only proponent of this explosive theory is Ed Chiarini of the conspiracist website WellAware1.com. According to Chiarini, Ted Cruz and his wife Heidi are not real people, but characters played by the late Robert Kardashian and the comedian Ana Gasteyer, respectively. Chiarini believes that Kardashian faked his own death in 2003 to assume the role of Cruz, and that the Saturday Night Live svengali Lorne Michaels planted Gasteyer for untold nefarious resons to act as his wife. (WellAware1.com is big on former SNL cast members.)
Considering that Chiarini’s only supporting evidence for his wild claim comes in the form of extremely vague physical resemblances between the parties involved, it is even more impressive that he turned out to be right.
Reached via email Tuesday evening, Gasteyer confirmed her own role in the charade—but maintained that Ted Cruz is 100% real. Gasteyer wrote:
On the record, I need to state that it is in fact me. But contrary to your article’s assertion, I am unfortunately faux-married to the real Ted Cruz, not Kardashian as you state. I really wish it was a conspiracy, but it is a terrible reality for me and it has been very difficult, as I am angry all the time with my fake, smug husband, and I have to just smile and clap and sometimes touch him. It’s been super gross. Honestly, I’m incredibly relieved that the Truth is finally out so I can go home and take a long shower.
At long last, the truth is revealed. We’ve reached out to Cruz’s camp for comment, and will update if they offer a response.