Serious Offenders, Grievous Harm: Pun Headlines About "Dark Pools" | Pars Herald "Barclays in Hot Water over Dark Pools" | The Guardian "Barclays allegations and inside the murky world of dark pools" | Information Week "Throwing Sharks out of the Dark Pool Tank" | And the Attorney General, Himself

Not kidding, every other sentence in that Information Week piece is like, "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the 'dark pool'!" or "Barclays received a harsh lesson in ichthyology last week!" Take a long walk off a short pier, Dr. John Bates, Executive Board member and Chief Technology Officer at Software AG! I hope this was ghost-written! Jesus.

To be fair, the primary culprit in the ongoing dark pool pun headline scandal is shockingly the sheriff who should be regulating, New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman. It was Schneiderman who created and nurtured a climate of leniency toward dark pool puns (DPPs) when he first announced his lawsuit against the financial services firm Barclays in late June.

"The lawsuit filed today charges that Barclays grew its dark pool into one of the largest in the United States by telling investors they were diving into safe waters," AG Schneiderman told impressionable reporters, further punning that, "In fact, Barclays' dark pool was full of predators who were there at Barclays' invitation."