Have you ever been to Colorado? You should go. It has skiing, the pot is free, and my sister lives there. It also has Denver International Airport (DIA) (or DEN), the largest airport in the U.S. and the second largest in the world. The airport is also home to a secret underground city built to shelter the world's elite in the event of a nuclear holocaust. And the runways form a swastika.

According to conspiracy theorists—or "truthies," which is the term the truthie who went on a date with my sister's friend told her he prefers, but which is a term I will not be using here—the Illuminati/Masons/New World Order/Reptoids are are biding their time among Earth's civilizations until the inevitable destruction of our world. At which point they will reconvene underground to form a new and perfect world. Beyoncé will be there. Celine Dion will be there. Former Governor Jesse Ventura, who believed the bunker was built to survive the 2012 apocalypse and headed up an investigation into the airport, would sure like to be there.

Where will you be?

Welcome to Denver International Airport

From its inception in 1980, the Denver airport was drama. Because the city already had a perfectly nice and fully functioning airport in Stapleton International, a mere 16 miles away, most locals were against its construction and viewed the whole enterprise as a huge waste of space and money. There were organized protests against the Denver Regional Council of Governments' decision to break ground on a new airport.

Once construction finally began, its opening was delayed several times. The layout and design were constantly changing. There were more protests. Construction was delayed again and again due to inclement weather and an rotating cast of contractors . In April of 1994, one month before the airport was scheduled to open, reporters were invited to the airport to view a test of the state-of-the-art automated baggage system—the bags flew off the carousel and into the air. The opening was pushed back again.

The airport finally opened on February 28, 1995, 16 months late and $2 billion over budget (for a reported total of $4.8 billion). In addition to the costly baggage system—which, according to conspiracy theorists, doesn't even work that well today—an intricate concourse system was also put in. But even that, truthers say, doesn't account for an additional couple of billions.

So where did that extra money go? Why did it construction take so long? Why did Denver even need a new airport when they had one they liked just fine?

The Layout/Design

When you fly into Denver for the very first time, take a minute to look down upon the majestic Rockies below. If you are a conspiracy theorist, you might also look down and notice that the elaborate criss-crossing of the airport's runways come together to form the shape of a swastika.

Here is the sky view of DIA:

Here is the sky view with a swastika: (Highlighting by: Me.)

Damn. Paradigm shift, your world different yet?

The airport covers 53 square miles of sprawling, virtually empty land. As you approach it by car, you may notice two things. The first are the large, rolling hills that surround the airport. But, in fact, they are not hills. The area was fairly flat before the airport was built. Those hills are actually mounds that formed when the area was excavated during construction.

Over 110 million cubic yards of earth were removed from the ground (enough to cover 32 city blocks to a depth of one-quarter mile if dumped into a single pile) in order to build out the tunnels for that for the baggage system and the concourses, or if you're awake, for the New World bunker. According to truthers, that amount of earth exceeds the size of the airport, regardless of the baggage claim system and the various concourses—unless, of course, there is more than meets the eye. And there always is! There always is.

The second thing you'll notice as you approach the airport is an enormous sculpture of a demon horse with an enormous demon dick protruding from its body.

The Demon Horse With an Enormous Demon Dick Protruding From its Body

This horse, lovingly called Blucifer the demon horse, is a blue mustang with glowing red eyes. At 32 feet tall and 9,000 pounds, it cuts a terrifying figure in the stark landscape, where it is surrounded by nothing but the shrieks of passengers driving by. Built by the artist Luis Jimenez, it symbolizes "the wild spirit of the old American West." In that same spirit of the old American west, this is a piece of art of that murdered its maker. In 2006, the horse was being moved when a massive piece broke off and fell on Jimenez, severing an artery in his leg and killing him. Welcome to Denver! According to conspiracy theorists, the horse symbolizes the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse—aka Death—and is indicative of the Earth's eventual demise. According to me, it's fucking scary to look at.

The Murals

And then there are the murals inside the the airport itself. The airport is sprinkled with strange iconography: a glowering gargoyle by the bathrooms, a tiny devil popping out of a suitcase at baggage claim. But there are two pieces of art in particular (both murals) that are, according to truthers, saturated with "Illuminati symbolism."

Here's the first painting, which is titled "The Children of the World Dream of Peace."

In the foreground we see a soldier who looks, well, he looks like a Nazi soldier. There's a child wearing a Bavarian costume in there. Says one succinct theorist, "You're in the largest airport of America, in the middle of the USA, and this is the mural we display. America joyfully submitting to Germany." A note below the painting reads:

I was once a little child who longed for other worlds. But I am no more a child for I have known fear. I have learned to hate.... How tragic, then, is youth which lives with enemies, with gallows ropes. Yet, I still believe I only sleep today, that I'll wake up, a child again, and start to laugh and play.

It is an excerpt from a poem attributed to a 14-year-old boy who died in Auschwitz.

All of which suggests to theorists that the painting was commissioned by the Illuminati/New World Order and that a Nazi uprising, via the underground bunker, is imminent.

The second painting (with my annotations in blue) is titled, "In Peace and Harmony with Nature."

This painting "addresses the destruction of the environment with one part showing the extinction of life with children and animals in class coffins with the other showing humanity coming together and rehabilitating nature." Here is a closer look at the coffins:

Both murals were painted by artist Leo Tanguma. Tanguma, who denies any conspiratorial symbolism in the paintings, has stated that the murals "depict man-made environmental destruction and genocide along with humanity coming together to heal nature and live in peace," rather than military oppression, total destruction, and ultimate global unification.

So that's the art, mostly. There's also the dedication marker.

New World Airport Commission

Located in the airport's Great Hall—ahem, that's Masonic terminology—there is a dedication capstone. It is inscribed with the date of dedication: March 19, 1994. Conspiracy theorists point out that "if you add up all of the numbers in the dedication date March 1+9+1+9+ 9 +4 you get the number 33." In Freemasonry, this number "represents perfection and the highest degree in Masonry you can hold." Also on the capstone is the Square and Compass associated with the Freemasons. Under the symbols reads, "New World Airport Commission."

According to theorists, the New World Airport Commission does not exist and therefore refers to the Nazi group, the New World Order. Steve Snyder from the airport's public relations office says the New World Airport Commission is "a group consisting of local business and political leaders who sponsored and organized a number of pre-opening events at Denver International Airport." Here's a list of its supposed contents.

The marker is mounted over a time capsule sealed during the dedication of the airport. It is not to be opened until 2094. No truth 'til 2094. No truth 'til 2094.

Who Has Access

Denver International truthers, including former Governor of Minnestoa Jesse Ventura, believe that the bunker is part of "a government plot to save the world's elite." Here the world's elite refers to the Illuminati/New World Order. (Some theories suggest that the bunker is actually reserved for Reptoids or Free Masons, but potato potahto). The bunker will function as an underground city following the destruction of life as we know it. It operates as the headquarters for the Illuminati, or as the headquarters are often labeled, the "Illuminati Temple."

Can They Live

In addition to that damn devil caballo, several white fuel tanks surround the airport. These are used to power the airport. However! Conspiracy theorists point out that the tanks have 40% more fuel than any other airport in the world—including the world's largest, which is located in Saudi Arabia. How come? Because once the world has ended and Blue Ivy is nestled safely beneath Colorado's terra firma, these fuel tanks will power the underground city. They are the power generators for the next world. From the airport's website: "The fueling system at DIA is capable of pumping 1,000 gallons of jet fuel per minute through a 28-mile network of pipes. Each of the six fuel farm tanks holds 65,000 barrels (2.73 million gallons) of jet fuel," which conspiracy theorists say is "absurd" for a commercial airport.

Think about it.

Disrupt Denver. Hail Satan. No truth 'til 2094.

This is Illuminati Month on Black Bag, in which Gawker locks itself in the woodshed and breaks out the red yarn to explore its favorite conspiracy theories. Photo by Photograph provided courtesy of Denver International Airport. Contact the author at leah.beckmann@gawker.com.